Animal Slaughter
Naturally, everyone here at Earth Cow is a hardcore vegan. Eating animals is wrong, and definitely not what Nature intended. Worse still is the inhumane manner in which the animals are treated before finally being put out of their misery. Some of them aren't even allowed to breathe real air, and are forced to subsist on a chlorine-based substitute, which is unhealthy at best.
But during our extensive research of the problem, we have uncovered something quite incredible - involving, of course, the mighty cow. It is widely believed that humans control cows, by fencing them in, herding them about, whipping them, and stealing their milk. A closer study of the situation, however, reveals that this may not be the case at all.
A substantial percentage of the population relies on regular supplies of beef and milk as part of their standard diet. Furthermore, huge sums of money are tied up in the cattle industry, and indeed, it is one of the mainstays of agriculture.
So, with that in mind, we submit: what would happen if the cows suddenly vanished? What if, one day, they all decided to return to their homeland (Atlantis), and simply up and left, just like that? Well, in case you're not particularly imaginative, we can tell you exactly what would happen. The agriculture industry would collapse. Without the daily sustenance provided by cows, people who have not yet adapted to veganism will rapidly die out. And, of course, the paddocks previously grazed by the cows would grow wild, fostering dinosaurs and who knows what else, which would inevitably lead to the ultimate demise of mankind.
As you can see, it's exactly like The Matrix: Reloaded, in that we certainly could decide not to use cows anymore, but that decision would be so costly that no one in their right mind would ever consider it.
Except us.
That's right, we at Earth Cow are going to stage the fabled Cow Revolution, and lead all of Earth's cows back to the promised land - Atlantis. Once they are free of man's tyrannical reign - and once the chosen ones from Earth Cow have evacuated to Mars and the Earth has been cleansed by the loving lava bombs of the Ents - the balance of Nature will be restored, and our war will finally be over.