Third World Debt

This is perhaps the most ridiculous problem of all. Did you know that 99% of the world's wealth is owned by only 1% of the world's population? These rich, greedy fucks all live in America, drive rocket-powered SUVs, live in solid gold, diamond-studded houses, and worship both God and Satan (or so we imagine, anyway). If you were to happen upon one of these scums of humanity, and you were to ask them why they don't share some of their mind-boggling wealth with the millions of poor people around the world - or even in countries other than America, which have even more poor people - they would probably say something racist and condescending, and then run you over in one of their previously-mentioned rocket-powered SUVs.

So, since those greedy, selfish people aren't going to help, it looks like, once again, it's all up to us. And by "us", I mean Earth Cow, Saviour Of Earth. Our solution is simple: print heaps of money, and drop it out of aeroplanes over the places where poor people live. To do this, we will have to perform a hostile takeover of the United States Bureau Of Engraving And Printing, because counterfeiting money is against the law. We have a bunch of ex-FBI agents who have been weakened by a vegan diet and subsequently brainwashed, and as such are now willing to enact this part of the plan. Once they have secured the building, we will begin the mass production of a whole heap of cashola, which we will subsequently distribute to the poor people as necessary. Just like Robin Hood. Except we may keep a small percentage to cover costs, fund further wild schemes, purchase large amounts of ganj, etc.