Water Shortage/Surplus

Water is complicated. On one hand, our (current) planet is approximately 70% water. Or, you know, the surface is, at least. Oceans and all that shit. There's all lava and stuff under the surface though, and I don't think that factors into the percentage. Can you imagine if it did? That would be one shitload of water, eh?

Anyway, on the other hand, most of that water is utterly useless, because it has too much salt in it. If you drank it in copious amounts, you would most assuredly die. You would die from being assaulted! Ah ha ha ha! Get it, guys? See what I did there? Because, you know, "salt" and "assault" sound similar, and... guys?

Pff, anyway, on the third hand, most of our (current) planet's supply of fresh, non-salt-tainted water is frozen at the north and south poles. And thanks to the terrible and horrifying and deadly and completely real power of global warming, that frozen water (aka "ice") will soon be melting and flooding all our cities and diluting the saltiness of the oceans.

So, can you see why this is all so complicated? We have to conserve water so we can survive long enough to have to deal with the threat of being flooded to death by our natural enemy, the ocean.

We did have a few patented Earth Cow solutions, which included an enormously complicated series of pipes spanning the globe, installed by Mario and to a lesser extent Luigi, but this problem is just so damn confusing that we can't work out where to start, or which pipes should lead to the secret underground rooms full of coins. So we think it's best if we just leave the final word to Bono, who sums up our position - and our confusion - nicely with a little promo poster that he always carries around for some reason. I mean, he only has one, so it's not like he can give it to anyone. Anyway, whatever, here it is.